On discretion.

"Don't you know the meaning of propriety?!?"
- Madeline Kahn as Eunice Burns in "What's Up, Doc?"

I've mentioned before that I'm a relatively old-school kind of guy, one who enjoys the process of doing or creating some things in a decidedly old-fashioned way. This applies to things like pie crusts, shoeshining, and libations. However, being a proud gay person and being socially and politically progressive, I have to admit that the retro approach doesn't always apply to me. It's this dichotomy between taking pleasure in tradition and being open to new ways of doing things that has been giving me dyspepsia lately. In this age of Facebook, blogs, and reality television, is there still a functional benefit to discretion?

I don't mean discretion in the sense of making good choices. Everyone is a product of a collection of their previous wise and foolish decisions. I mean discretion in the sense of showing the ability "to preserve prudent silence", as Merriam-Webster puts it. In a society that encourages transparency and "full disclosure", might there be a personal and social benefit to keeping one's mouth shut?

Take blogs, for example. Most blogs, mine included, focus on ideas and discussions rather than the airing of the author's personal issues. Some, though, have used their publicly accessed blogs to create an open forum in which they can divulge and then perhaps discuss the most intimate details of their lives. Marital woes... reproductive challenges... medical problems... you name it. There may be a salacious pleasure in reading such accounts, as they tend to make us feel better about the relative order of our own lives. Few people discuss these kinds of intensely personal problems in any kind of meaningful detail unless those details reveal an utterly out of control situation, and people tend to feel good knowing that while they might have problems of their own, they are nothing like these basket cases.

But any transient benefit felt by the reader must be balanced by the motivation of the writer. Why might someone publish such information to be read by the general public? Could it really be a pathetic plea for attention that motivates these people, or might there be a legitimate call for advice? Must the writer be a lonesome hermit to explain their revelations and their attention-seeking behaviors, or might there be another motivation?

Another example is found in reality television. We've all watched it. We've all enjoyed it to a certain extent. I'll admit to having watched The Real Housewives. I found myself enthralled, if for only a short while, by the utterly inappropriate behavior of these women. Perhaps my thrill was that of a person who was comparing the tranquility and order of his own life against the nouveau-riche emptiness and out-of-control behavior of the women on the show. Maybe I was just bored. But that doesn't explain the motivation of the people on the show. Are they all just whores for attention? Could it really be that simple? If so, what about their families? Do they suffer from the same dysfunction, or were they just along for the ride? What benefit did they experience, and at what cost?

I'm reminded of my own childhood, in which friends were hard to come by sometimes. The result was that I would truly value and cherish my close friendships, and still do to this day. But if I were to change the focus of this blog... alter its content to feature the personal details of my own life... would that somehow detract from the value of a "best friend" or confidante? If I were to share things like medical complications, marital problems, or family drama, would it somehow de-value the role that my closest confidantes play in my life?

I'm starting to think that while social networking opportunities like Facebook and blogging have shown incredible capacity to help maintain relationships and create new ones, they can also offer opportunities to air our dirty laundry in utterly inappropriate ways. Call it old-fashioned if you want, but I have become more resolved in my opinion that access to the innermost circle of one's life should be hard-earned. It's best for those involved, to be sure. But it's also best for our society. And for those pathetic souls who desire nothing more than to fire up the computer and pour their personal lives (and those of their friends and family) onto the screen... might I suggest a hand-written diary? If you need a more public option than that, then a good hard day of introspection is in order.