An epidemic of douchery.

I find it amazing that the revocation of collective bargaining rights (and the other nefarious proposals in the republican budget plan) have stirred such passions in normally moribund Americans that they've been protesting at the Statehouse for an entire month. This picture was taken two days ago, on Saturday. There were over 100,000 people on the square, which is amazing given that the entire Madison metro area has only about 561,000 residents.

The republican plan to divide-and-conquer by pitting struggling private sector workers against also-struggling public sector workers has been remarkably successful. It's tempting for people when republicans keep telling them to blame those greedy public-sector workers and their nefarious unions for the budget crisis in Wisconsin (if there even is one). Yeah, those teachers and doctors and cops and firefighters and snowplow drivers and prison guards and pothole-fillers and garbage collectors and social workers... greedy bitches with tons of cash who just go aroud flaunting those pensions in front of "real" Americans.

Never mind that the people who are to blame are the truly greedy bastards on Wall Street, as well as the general American public for their years of blithe ignorance. Yes, I said the American public is partly to blame. As long as the money was rolling in, no one cared how it was being made. But like sausage, if the process by which the product is made is flawed, one can get sick.

So now the republicans have passed, through devious parliamentary shenanigans which are still under legal question, a "budget repair bill" that has little to do with the budget and doesn't really repair anything. Up to 60% of Wisconsin residents oppose the de-certification of unions, but no one in the republican party seems to give a rat's ass. Walker keeps saying it's about the money... but the unions already capitulated to the financial aspects of the bill, and only wanted to keep their collective bargaining rights. No dice, say the repubs, right after passing a $130,000,000 tax cut for the wealthy and for corporations.

Here are some highlights from this stinker of a bill:

1. Public employees will take a 6% pay cut to contribute more to the pension system (which is fully funded at this time, and is one of the best-managed pension funds in the country).

2. Public employees will at least double their contributions to their health insurance plans, and the government will investigate offering high-deductible shitty insurance to the public workforce.

3. Public employee unions would be able to bargain only for wage increases up to the cost of inflation, and will not be able to collect dues through payroll deduction. Contracts would be limited to one year, and unions would require an annual re-certification process. Police and firefighter unions, who supported Walker's election campaign, are exempt. The prison guards, who supported the Democratic candidate, are not. Natch.

4. If the Governor declares a state of emergency, for whatever reason, that will empower him to fire any and all employees who have too many absences or take any work slowdown or strike action.

5. Home health care workers and family child care workers, thankless jobs if ever there were any, are no longer allowed to bargain collectively under the state Medicaid program.

6. UW Hospital employees have had their collective bargaining rights revoked, and UW faculty and academic staff are barred from forming any collective bargaining units.

7. Medicaid eligibility will be adjusted so that thousands will be thrown off the rolls. But when these uninsured people die, republicans have offered more money to the fund that pays for burial of destitute people.

8. $900 million will be slashed from the education budget for public schools, while more money will be diverted to private and charter schools. Because the teachers caused all this, of course.

9. The Governor will be empowered to sell state-owned utilities to the Koch brothers' corporation, with no-bid contracts, at pennies on the dollar.

There's more. Much, much, much more. The republican attack on education is revelatory, particularly given the fact that the current Governor was kicked out of Marquette university for cheating, had a 2.3 GPA, and never graduated. So much for preachers' kids being model students.

The republican ditto-heads also are sitting around droning on about how "elections have consequences". To a certain extent that's true, and should serve as a horrible warning against voting for a party full of corporate douchebags who don't care one whit about the best interest of the people. The republicans cite the passage of "Obamacare" as justification for passing this stinker of a bill despite overwhelming opposition. It should be noted that the passage of the health care act was done with a full quorum and in the light of day (unlike this bill's passage), and most importantly, at the end of the day, no one lost any rights. This is not at all comparable to the passage of the health care act. Not in the slightest. And the smug, idiotic, ginned-up derision and hatred being directed at the state's teachers is absolutely disgusting.

This is not about who wins and who loses. It's not even about the budget. It's about the rights of workers to have a voice in the workplace. It's about being able to bargain collectively for wages, retirement, health insurance, working conditions, unsafe or unfair labor practices. and a mechanism for the redress of grievances. Do you think that any corporate or governmental employer would have provided a retirement pension, decent wages, or health care had the labor movement not been as strong as it was? No, of course it wouldn't have. The labor movement was born in Wisconsin almost a century ago. It's part of the culture and heritage of this state. And the middle class is part of what makes this country strong and prosperous. But of course, out of a spirit of greed and malice, comes a republican party that seeks to reduce the middle class to near-poverty while enriching their corporate benefactors and wealthy donors, all while demonizing the people whose work is essential to our communities.

And people vote for these asshats... why?

Union, Jack.

Best comment so far on the recent efforts by Republican douchebags to eliminate collective bargaining in the public sector:

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It's noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe is home from work.

He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

You can't fire me. You don't even know my name.

CNN reported today that Donald Trump, reality show personality and 1980s-era real estate douchebag, has clarified his stance on some social issues after his appearance at the recent CPAC conference (a convention for haters and fearmongers). His thoughts on marriage equality?

"I am not in favor of gay marriage. I live in New York. New York is a place with lots of gays, and I think it's great, but I'm not in favor of gay marriage."

Whether or not Trump is "in favor of gay marriage" is irrelevant. Marriage is a civil and human right that we all deserve to share in equally. Besides, why would anyone care what Trump thinks about marriage? He's been married three times. If right-wingers want to see someone whose behavior is eroding their definition of the traditional family, all they have to do is tear their eyes away from gay people long enough to focus them on this bizarrely-coiffured buffoon.

Douchebags Anonymous

There is a crushing need in our society that has not yet been addressed. No, I'm not talking about the deportation of Carrie Prejean. I'm talking about the rampant and unacknowledged epidemic of douchebaggery in our beloved country. We have transitioned from the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave to a place where law schools (and other like-minded organizations) take otherwise charming and bright people and turn them into selfish, myopic, emotionally stunted douches. It's happening all over the land, in front of our very eyes. And we, like Mr. Obama and GLBT equality, are doing nothing.

I propose a 12-step program for those who self-identify as a douche. I also propose that those who are identified as a douche by a quorum of peers be forcibly enrolled in this program. It'll work. It has to.

The Twelve Steps for Douchery

We admitted we were powerless over being a douche — that our lives had become nauseatingly self-centered.

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to some small fraction of our previously acknowledged awesomeness.

Made a decision to turn our selfish personalities and withered friendships over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, scrupulously avoiding our strong tendencies to rationalize our shitty treatment of others with lame excuses like "that's just what I needed at that time".

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our douchebaggery.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character, even if it meant actually resolving to treat people with kindness and respect.

Humbly asked Him to remove our douchery.

Made a list of all persons we had insulted, ignored, or dropped from our lives, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, knowing that doing so would not only not injure them or others, but would likely save relationships that we previously claimed were "important".

Continued to take personal inventory of our douchebag status and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for our douchebag problem and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other douchebags, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


The first meeting is in St. Paul, Minnesota.