Texas + Ohio + Crazy = Hotness.

So there has been a somewhat pervasive theme on MWG when it comes to the hotness. Most of the guys featured here have been of a certain aesthetic... namely, the dudes who would smack you around a little bit before starting your engine, know what I'm saying? Today, though, I've strayed. Yes, it's true. I'm ready to admit it, after lo these many many years. It feels like a weight is being lifted from my weary shoulders to state... publicly... at long last...

I've always had the hots for Woody Harrelson.

Okay, I admit it. He was cute and stupid in Cheers. And I usually kind of like cute stupid guys. Being surrounded by Ph.D. folks every freaking day of my life has its charms, but sometimes it's refreshing to hang out with someone who's almost but not quite two standard deviations below the mean. It keeps you intellectually and socially grounded, sort of the social form of calculating a lowest common denominator. But Cheers was a hundred years ago, and his acting career has taken a turn. No one plays the crazy violent lovable psychopath like Woody. And if there's anything I love more than a cute stupid guy, it's a hot crazy guy.

And I know I'm not alone.

There are many things I admire about Woody. First, there's the bod. Now I can hear all y'all bitches hatin'... "oh, he's so old", "oh, he's balding", "oh, he's got a butterface". No. Y'all are so very wrong. He's got one of those naturally muscular, not-too-worked-out, sexy frames that I think really only come from the midwest. Anyone who, like me, went to Ohio State can attest to the fact that Ohio sports a vigorous representation of this cohort... so much so that I strongly suspect that the volleyball nets on the South Oval require a modeling portfolio and an audition process.

But Woody's sexy/crazy vibe is also influenced by his being born in Texas before moving to Lebanon, Ohio. Again, I can state from personal experience that there's a very special kind of masculinity in Texas that isn't found anywhere else. Couple that with Ohio's farm-boy thing, and you've got a pile of yummy.

As if this isn't enough, there's also the fact that Woody's late father, with whom he shares a birthday, was a contract killer who was convicted of carrying out a contract hit on a San Antonio federal judge in 1979. Now, gentle reader(s), I'm not saying that Woody's gonna go out and climb up in a tower and start mowing people down, but I can't help but add a few hotness points to Woody's scorecard after adding this kind of insanity.

He's also got an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. So there's that. (I included a lovely image of it, above. You're welcome.)

However, as with any hot dude, you have to balance out the physical and psychotic aspects with the daily living characteristics. Woody pretty much wins here too. Environmentally conscious... check. Advocates legalization of pot... check. Can provide opportunities to party with a shirtless Matthew McConaughey... check. The only thing that pisses me off his is vegan status... but it's important for a man to have at least one flaw. Keeps him humble.

Yes, it's true. Woody Harrelson is a secret crush. If you can find a sweet looking Texas/Ohio midwestern boy who has a deep sea of roiling psychosis just under the surface, I'll bet you'll feel the same way.

And go see his movie, Zombieland. It's freaking awesome.

Make a joyful noise.

Sometimes there really are no words.

This might be the best thing I've ever seen on YouTube.

A public service announcement from Mrs. Betty Butterfield

B is for batshit crazy. That's good enough for me.

My first clue that this was a hoax was the fact that the letter "B" was carved into her face backwards (as though it were done in a mirror), and that the cuts were not deep enough to cause permanent scarring. Of course, the "scary black man" aspect of the report was enough to make me throw up.

Go to Joe.My.God. and check out the horrible Freeper comments... they'll do or say anything to link this to some horrible Obama conspiracy rather than admit that this was just a plain old hoax from a very troubled young woman. Or maybe it was because she was in Pittsburgh. As Auntie Mame famously said, "When you're from Pittsburgh, you have to do something." (To be fair, Todd is originally from College Station, Texas.)

From the Pittsburgh paper:

Police: Campaign Volunteer Lied, Injured Self

Ashley Todd told investigators today she "just wanted to tell the truth" -- and was neither robbed, nor attacked. Todd, 20, is now facing charges for filing a false report to police.

Police say a campaign volunteer confessed to making up a story that a mugger attacked her and cut the letter B in her face after seeing her McCain bumper sticker; now she's facing charges.

At a news conference this afternoon, officials said they believe that Ashley Todd's injuries were self-inflicted. Todd, 20, of Texas, is now facing charges for filing a false report to police. Todd initially told police that she was robbed at an ATM in Bloomfield and that the suspect began beating her after seeing her GOP sticker on her car. Police investigating the alleged attack, however, began to notice some inconsistencies in her story and administered a polygraph test.

Investigators asked Todd to return to the police station today for more questioning and to help them release a composite sketch of the suspect. When she did, police say she admitted that she made the whole thing up and that it snowballed out of control. Todd told investigators today that she "just wanted to tell the truth" – adding that she was neither robbed, nor attacked. "She indicated that she has prior mental problems and that she does not remember how the backward letter B got on her face," Pittsburgh Police Spokeswoman Diane Richard told reporters today.

Todd told police that while she did not remember how the backward "B" got on her face, she may have done it herself since she was the only one in the car. According to police, Todd said she thought of Barack Obama when she saw the "B" in her rearview mirror.

Officials say they do not believe any other people were involved; and Todd's friends believed the story about the attack – encouraging her to call police.