So I'm finishing my first week on the South Beach diet. For my tender, uninitiated readers, phase one of the South Beach diet requires the intake of almost no carbs. None. Nada. No fruit. No fruit juice. No potatoes, bread, legumes, carrots, beets, or butter. No ice cream or other sweets. Nothing. Also... wait for it... no alcohol.
Yes, I said it. No alcohol.
I knew this would be a challenge. I love cocktails. I don't love them because I'm a fucking alcoholic. I love them because I love the taste, and the relaxation that accompanies that taste. I take them in moderation, and love them. I've had three pints of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer and haven't been tempted by them at all really... but my craving for Hendrick's martinis is strong. In the entire past week, I have cheated three times... one martini on Tuesday night (we went to Lombardino's for a work dinner, so I was unduly tempted), two martinis at dinner Saturday night, and a little bitty bit of barbecue sauce with a pork chop I made yesterday. That's it... I've been carb-free otherwise, and have been feeling a bit lighter lately. So I weighed myself at work today.
Bad move. Shouldn't have done that.
At my fattest, while living in Columbus and subsisting on macaroni and cheese with tuna mixed in, chili casserole with crunched up Doritos on top, and take-out Chinese from Mark Pi's, I weighted 188 pounds. Now, after working out, eating better, and a week of South Beach (phase one, I might add), I weigh... wait for it... 193.
Holy fuckballs. 193? Really? I know I've put on probably 20 pounds of muscle over the past two years according to my trainer's estimates, but I can't blame it on that. And while I was clothed, I wasn't wearing a medieval suit of armor or anything. No. Just fat. Not obese fat, of course... this is Wisconsin, so I'm surrounded by people who have legitimate fattitude... but gay fat for SURE.
Sigh. I'm going to redouble my efforts, and get rid of the cheating and quit getting all lazy about the trips to the gym to do cardio. I'm giving it until the end of the month, and then will re-weigh myself. I will do my best to refrain from cutting a bitch this week and next. However, if you notice a news item from Madison that doesn't have anything to do with our douchebag governor with his asymmetrical face stuffed up David Koch's sweaty, pasty ass, it's probably going to be about me mowing down a bunch of people with my car.
(The image above is a screen capture from Rick Warren's Saddleback Church. The bigoted anti-gay language was removed from the site recently. Thanks to this guy for catching and reporting it.)
One of the most cogent comments I've seen in a while... I thought I'd share it. This was by commenter "Yeek" and was in reference to a post by Melissa Etheridge's partner, Tammy Lynn Michaels, on her blog. (I still have yet to hear a coherent reason why Michaels' opinion is in any way relevant, but whatever.) Michaels reasoned that President Elect Obama's choice of notorious homophobe Rick Warren as the featured clergy for the 2009 inauguration was not as horrendously offensive as most people think. Ms. Etheridge has made statements recently that were consistent with her partner's misguided opinions... apparently forgetting her very recent announcement that she was going to refuse to pay California income taxes as she was determined to be a less-than-equal citizen.
Tammy Lynn Michael's blog post was horrendous. Worst of all was her assertion that Rick Warren can't be homophobic because he shows genuine love for gay people. If you didn't know already, love and prejudice can live side by side in great comfort.
Think about this country 100 years ago, when the overwhelming majority of men in this country did not believe women should have the right to vote. Did these men hate or fear women? Perhaps some did, but many more deeply loved and respected the wives who they had built lives with, the daughters they had raised from infancy, and the mothers who had nurtured them. The idea that they dismissed or did not value the women in their lives would have provoked genuine denial and outrage. And yet, the idea that women should have the same role in government as men would have been rejected out of hand for the same reasons that gay marriage is today: it flies in the face of all human history. It contradicts the scriptural teaching of multiple religions. It will undermine the natural structure of the family.
These men were not filled with hate or misogyny. In fact, they were filled with respect and admiration and love for the women who were their partners, nurturers, and allies in life. But in spite of those noble emotions, these men were still filled with prejudice so profound that it approached a state of innocence. They simply could not envision women as deserving of full participation in government because...well, because it was just so obviously wrong.
When Rick Warren says that he loves homosexuals, that he respects them and values them, and that he is not motivated by hate, he's probably telling the truth. His actions are simply derived from a prejudice that exists in such pure state that there is little or no genuine malice. That makes him no less destructive or dangerous or harmful, and no less wrong.
Great comment. I would rather think that Warren needs to re-examine how he and his flock define "love". His church requires gays to repent and attempt to "pray the gay away" in order to join. He likens decent people like me to pedophiles and people who practice incest or bestiality. And he does all this with the smarmy, oafish, all-too-familiar smile that teases the simple-minded into a sense of blithe complacency.
Great pick, Slim Jim. I've heard whisperings of "just wait until after the inauguration... don't pay attention to what is said... keep an open mind..." and all that. The thing is, there's no room for "agreeing to disagree" when it comes to my equal humanity. None whatsoever. The symbol "=" means the same thing in any language, and when it comes to civil and human rights in the United States you either think we're equal or you think we're not. If you think we're not, then that makes you a bigot. End of story. End of discussion. And don't start with the mealy-mouthed claims of wanting to include all kinds of viewpoints on the inaugural dais... if that's so important to Obama, then how about including David Duke? It would be done in the spirit of multi-cultural inclusion, of course...
We've waited long for someone to champion real equality in this country. Even if Obama doesn't support marriage equality, which is a huge blotch on his resume, his choice of Warren to set the moral tone of the inauguration does not bode well either for the prospect of equality over the next four years, or for Obama's decision-making process in general. The GLBT communities appear to have been shafted again, all in the name of "hope" and "progress". Funny, usually this happens after the inaugural festivities.
I shudder to think of the next four years, if this is the way Obama has chosen to kick off his presidency. What would be a colossal and very public political betrayal will have a stunning effect on GLBT electoral participation in the next 15 years or so. This causes me not a small amount of despair.
Jesus, God the Son, Lamb of God, Prince of Peace 1 Pearly Gates Heaven, Afterlife 00001
21 March 2008
Dear Sir:
Pursuant to the recommendation from Ms. Lakwondashiqwa Johnson in Your customer service department (1-800-DOMINUS), I wish to express in writing my dissatisfaction regarding the 10-inch snowfall that befell Madison, Wisconsin today.
As You are no doubt aware, the winter of 2007-2008 has been the snowiest winter in Madison history. We have now had over 100 inches of snow this year. (I don't know if You use the metric system in the afterlife, but trust me... it's an awful lot.) After what seemed like an eternity encased in a snowy, icy tomb, someone (was it You?) rolled the stone away last week and the sun began to melt the snow, slush, snirt, and permafrost that have dogged our citizens since late last year. We allowed ourselves to hope that spring, that season of spiritual and earthly renewal, was upon us. Given that this is Holy Week, we also allowed ourselves to suspect that You had something to do with it. Just last night, I answered my atheist partner's query about the snowy weather forecast with a haughty "The Lord won't let that happen, you'll see". Subsequent observations have proven that my confidence in Your weather-related providence was wildly misplaced.
Please accept this letter as a cancellation of my subscription to Guideposts and The Watchtower. After my brief musical appearance at the St. Norbert's easter vigil tomorrow evening (assuming I can get there safely in all this snow), please note that the remainder of my resurrection day celebrations will involve decidedly secular activities.
I regret that this unfortunate incident has resulted in my disillusionment with Your divine weather control. I look forward to a pleasant Spring and mild Summer, during which You will be offered an opportunity to restore my faith in issues-related prayer.
With my best wishes for a renewal of Your well-documented personal and professional success,
The Milkman
CC: Pope Benedict XVI The Dalai Lama The Rev. Billy Graham Barbra Streisand
I'm simultaneously smart and scatterbrained, sweet and irritable, progressive and conservative, highly educated and sometimes underinformed, ambitious and lazy, insightful and superficial, profound and sacreligious, all with a dry, dirty-ish, malice-free overlay.
